Divorced Dads Tips: The Winning Argument in Family Court – Part 2

DISCLAIMER: The following is NOT legal advice, nor is it a substitute for legal advice. If you are in Family Court you will need legal advice, so please see a lawyer.

Winning the argument when you’re a divorced dad in Family Court is not easy. But it can be done. I know, because I have done it, and have taught others how to do it too. Here’s some of what I teach dads like you.

In my last article, I began sharing with you the nine principles from Gerry Spence’s book, How To Argue and Win Every Time, and putting them into terms that apply to divorced dads in Family Court battles.

Every divorced dad needs to learn these tools in order to prepare himself to make the most polished sales pitch to the Family Court judge.

I’ll recap the first five, then move on to the last four principles.

One: Everyone is capable of making the winning argument.

Two: Winning is getting what we want and helping others get what they want.

Three: Learn that words are a weapon and can be used hastily in combat.

Four: Know that there is a biological advantage of delivering the truth.

Five: Assault is not argument.

Moving along, let’s take a look at number six: Use fear as an ally in public speaking or in argument.

It can be scary to be a divorced dad, facing the unfamiliar territory of family court. Don’t let the fear cripple you. Instead, convert the energy of the fear and channel it into a positive result. Take your stage fright and convert it into positive energy by using mental conditioning, preparation, and rehearsal.

Don’t walk into Family Court with no clue of what you will say or do. Rehearse by standing in front of a mirror or getting a group of friends together to listen to your pitch.

Learning to overcome those natural fears and anxieties means finding divorced dads who have had success. I suggest coming to our weekly calls to learn many ways to succeed in getting others to recognize your important role in your child’s life. While it’s not a substitute for legal advice, it is a great way to augment that with practical advice from the perspective of fathers who have already had success in Family Court.

In the meantime here’s the next principle…

Number Seven: Let emotions show and do not discourage passion.

While you argue your case in family court, stay respectful but do not be afraid to be passionate. You are not fighting for your kids, but waging peace on their behalf. Do so with honesty and peace, and passion. LOSE your anger.

Number Eight: Don’t be blinded by brilliance.

In other words, do not get caught up in your own rhetoric. If you get overconfident, you will lose track of where you are going, and you will ultimately lose your argument because you have lost the ability to remain objective.

Number Nine: Know that the enemy is not the person with whom we are engaged in a failing argument, but the lack of vision within ourselves.

A divorced dad’s only real enemy is not his ex-wife, the Family Court or even the Judge. The real enemy is your lack of vision within yourself. Stay focused. Never lose hold of the confidence that you can make a winning argument in Family Court.

During my divorce, I wished for a divorce roadmap. That’s why we created a weekly telewebcast, to help men like yourself.

If you’ve lost in Family Court, don’t give up. There is always hope. You’ve likely lost because you didn’t understand that winning requires effectively “waging peace” for your children.

If you base your game plan and strategies upon those of successful fathers, you will improve your chances of success immeasurably. You need help from dads who have done what you are trying to do.

Danny Guspie Executive Director of Fathers Resources International can help you learn the successful strategies of fathers who have won in Family Court. Join us on our weekly calls at http://www.DivorcedDadWeekly.com where we will share with you what has worked for many successful divorced dads.

Divorced Dads Tips: How to Prepare for Family Court

DISCLAIMER: The following is NOT legal advice, nor is it a substitute for legal advice. If you are in Family Court you will need legal advice, so please see a lawyer.

Do you know how the most effective divorced dads prepare for Family Court? Consider the following:

Going to Family Court can be a roll of the dice. But, if you’re experienced with the game, you will know the difference between good and bad bets. The same principle that keeps you from losing your shirt in Vegas, will keep you out of trouble in Family Court.

The most important thing a divorced dad can do when it come to being prepared for Family Court is to know what goes on there before his case comes before a judge.

If you’re not familiar with Family Court–the building, the facilities and the judges–you’re doing yourself a great disservice. Go and watch Family Court. Many dads go to Family Court just to get it over and done with. They overlook a crucial concept.

The problems you face with the breakdown of your relationship did not happen overnight. It took time to arrive at the point where you ended up in Family Court. You will need to face these facts:

1. You will be “stuck” in the Family Courts for an indeterminate period of time.
2. It’s the only game in town
3. You MUST “play” according to their rules.
4. You must play well.

Learn your courthouse, its staff and the judges. Learn how things work in Family Court. Learn whether the paperwork you want to file “upsets” certain clerks and how each particular judge decides things.

When divorced dads understand these principles, they can begin to position themselves well. It’s like watching a ballgame. Study winning teams for strategy. Get a sense of how the referee calls the game.

Just go into Family Court and watch other cases. You can find and attend open motion hearings that occur each week in Family Court. You would be surprised that after a day of watching the same judge, you can predict with about 90% accuracy how that judge will rule. As you watch people do the same things, you learn why people lose. If nothing else, you will learn when to sit down and shut up.

Learn from other people’s successes and avoid their mistakes. Watch how the people who win their cases handle themselves. Take your cues from there.

Your judge will be making the ultimate decision concerning you and your kids. You have to learn how they call the game. Learn how to “read” the reactions of your judge and be perceptive enough to see when what you are doing is working for you or working against you and adjust accordingly.

Watching court proceedings is also the quickest way to find a good lawyer. By watching who seems to be in Family Court a lot and who seems to have a good understanding of how to help fathers, you may find the lawyer you need.

Remember this: It’s no longer about you, it’s about your kids – make the effort. Be better than the good Dad you claim to be. That’s the quickest and least expensive path to success in these matters.

During my divorce, I wished for a divorce roadmap. That’s why we created a weekly telewebcast, to help men like yourself.

If you’ve lost in Family Court, don’t give up. There is always hope. You’ve likely lost because you didn’t understand that winning requires effectively “waging peace” for your children.

If you base your game plan and strategies upon those of successful fathers, you will improve your chances of success immeasurably. You need help from dads who have done what you are trying to do.

Danny Guspie Executive Director of Fathers Resources International can help you learn the successful strategies of fathers who have won in Family Court. Join us on our weekly calls at http://www.DivorcedDadWeekly.com where we will share with you what has worked for many successful divorced dads.